The Phoenix
by lokilette
Summary: Albus Dumbledore knows he's dying and with so many things left unsaid. In a last-ditch effort to reconcile his feelings, he sits down to write a letter to a man he hasn't seen in over 50 years. One-shot. Rated T for violence.


The phoenix-feather quill glided over the page, leaving a trail of thin, slanted script in its wake. It hurt to write. Then again, almost everything hurt these days. Dying hurt, but so did living. Letting go hurt almost as much as hanging on.

This letter had been a long time coming; the words festered in the back of his mind for decades. Even as Albus settled at his desk with every intention of letting them free, they clung to their confines. The words just wouldn't come. It had been 19,056 days since they were last face to face. That was 19,056 reasons why this letter should never exist.

Still, in the twilight of his life, awaiting the dawn of his next adventure, if Albus could find just one justification, even the faintest thrumming of his heart, to commit his thoughts to paper, that would be enough.

Contained in the only two words written on his parchment, script slightly distorted by the pain of his affliction, he found his reason.

_Dear Gellert._

After all this time, there were still things that needed to be said, unvoiced thoughts that gnawed daily on his conscience. Though it pained him, physically and mentally, Albus forced out the ruminations that had tortured his mind.

_It has been 52 years since we have spoken, and now that my days are numbered I find that there is a lot I have left to say. It was 98 years ago now that we met for the first time in Godric's Hollow. I felt trapped by my circumstances, but you were more to me than simply a way out._

~oOo~

_Remember to breathe_. On a sharp inhale, Albus took in all the cool, damp stillness of the night. As he exhaled, he felt his dreams slipping away as little, white wisps, one at a time disappearing into the black.

Night was always the most difficult time of day, what with Aberforth either out late exercising his sharp tongue and slow wand or being dragged home by a less-than-pleasant neighbor that had become the victim of a goat-dung barrage one too many times. Then there was Ariana, who was always restless during the evening, before the nightmares would even start.

Albus ran a hand through his hair, sweeping back the auburn clumps that assaulted his face with each gust of wind. He raised his eyes to the moon that was hanging just over the trees in Godric's Hollow. _Just breathe_.

A jolt of electricity slithered up his spine, raising the hackles on the back of his neck. Albus was suddenly aware that he was no longer alone. As he looked around, his eyes fell on a young man who was standing a ways off, partially obscured by shadow, eyes also raised to the moon.

"I haven't seen you around before," Albus called out to him. "Are you new here?"

"Not quite. I'm just visiting."

"Then do yourself a favor, and get out while you can."

The stranger stepped forward, slowly peeling himself from the darkness. He was taller than Albus by several inches, standing straight and proud, shoulders thrown back. His head was crowned with blond waves that were swept back neatly. His face was sharp and angular with a strong, serious jaw, but his lips were pulled into a half-smile as he stopped just in front of Albus.

"I'm Gellert Grindelwald." He held out a hand, keeping the other tucked behind him.

"Albus Dumbledore."

From the moment they shook hands, Albus forgot about his troublemaker brother. He forgot about his well-intentioned but dangerous sister. He even forgot about the collar at his throat chaining him to Godric's Hollow. Amidst it all, in the unlikeliest places, he had found someone who was his equal in power and ability. Of that, he was sure.

~oOo~

Albus paused from writing to massage his arm, not that it did any good. The flesh and muscle were dying, and the rest of him was soon to follow. No amount of poking or prodding would make it any better. He reclaimed the quill, swirling it in the ink as he grasped at the words that were just outside of his reach.

It was frustrating, having so much to say and no proper outlet to release it. The thoughts infested his mind like roaches, and slowly but surely he was able to coax them out onto the parchment.

_From the time we met, I knew I had found my equal. My wit was matched by your cunning, my power by your determination. My naïve haste to explore the world was a perfect match for your need to change it. Together, the dreams we built were monuments to our combined abilities, but they were nothing more than fantasies crafted by two very young, very foolish wizards. Still, I believed wholeheartedly back then that together we could even conquer death if we so desired._

~oOo~

"Just imagine it, Albus. You won't have to hide Ariana anymore. You'll be free. That's what you want, right?" Gellert let his leg dangle over the tree branch he was sitting on, idly kicking the air. As he spoke, he shook the branch beneath him until it released a shower of leaves on the man below him.

"Well, sure," Albus said, brushing the leaves off his clothes and resting his back against the tree trunk. "But the Muggles..."

"I've told you, it's for their own good. You've seen how they act. They're a danger to themselves. Who's going to protect them if we don't? We'd be doing them a favor. It's for the greater good."

"Do you think we can find them? The Hallows, I mean."

"Someone knows something somewhere. We'll find them."

Albus pressed his head against the trunk, bark digging slightly into his scalp, so he could look up at the man above him. He was haloed in a golden light as the sun set behind him with the wind pushing his curls into his face. If ever there was a moment to take a picture, it would have been then. He looked every bit as unstoppable as he thought he was.

"I've been working on something," Albus announced, pulling his wand out of his clothes. "It could prove to be very useful for us."

"Oh?"

Those fierce, steel eyes were trained on him now, and Albus felt his heart start to race. The wand was almost heavy in his hand as his palms began to sweat. _Just breathe_.

Albus held his wand out and focused on the mental picture he had of Gellert sitting in the tree, wind in his hair. The way he smiled at him, only a small half-smile that drew lines in his cheeks, but it was sincere just the same. The way his voice danced in a certain tempo, confident and self-assured baritone notes that were music to his ears. The praises he would sing about his magical abilities that made his spirit soar with pride.

He imagined the words he wanted to say, too. That was the most difficult part, juggling the two at once without creating a confusing, muddled mess. The result was never pretty.

"_Expecto Patronum."_

A silver light burst from the tip of his wand, swirling in the fading light and settling into the form of a lion. It met his gaze and roared at him before tightening its haunches and launching itself into the tree. It alighted on the branch beside Gellert, opened its mouth, and out tumbled words in Albus' voice, "Patronus messengers."

"It's easy," Albus called up. That was only a half-lie. Once he figured out the trick, it really was easy. Getting to that point took a bit of trial and error, but he wasn't about to admit that. "You just need to focus on what you want to say while you're making the patronus."

Gellert stood up, steadying himself with one hand on the truck of the tree. With the other, he slid his wand out of his sleeve.

"_Expecto Patronum._" Silver seeped into the night and hovered in the air before settling into a form. The phoenix flapped its wings and looped around him and then the tree before landing on the ground.

"Good job, Albus. You're truly every bit the powerful wizard I first imagined you to be."

~oOo~

_I think we both knew, to some extent, that those days could never last forever. I forgive whatever part you played in that night, Gellert, for I share equal blame in the outcome. It is a burden I have always borne, but I think, perhaps, that you have borne more than your fair share of the weight, too._

~oOo~

Everything happened so quickly. There was barely any time to react. In a second, angers had flared. Words were exchanged. Albus barely had time to grasp the accusations and insults that were tossed around.

Then there was brash, foolish Aberforth. Hot-headed Aberforth. Always quick to fight. He drew his wand first, the dolt, as if he ever had a chance. His anger steered him like the beast he was, yet again, and, once again, Albus had to intervene on his behalf. After all, this was his brother. Even if it meant going against his best friend. His partner. The man he respected more than anyone he had ever known.

Albus had no desire to fight Gellert, either, but the wizard was already wound up. There would be no talking him down easily. When it came to stubbornness, both him and Aberforth were well-matched.

Spells tore through the air, filling the night with dazzling colors. Dangerous colors. It was hard playing devil's advocate, protecting both sides not only from each other but from themselves. Somewhere, in the middle of that, he failed to see a fourth party come in. In his haste, the one person Albus forgot to protect was Ariana.

The spells stopped suddenly, and darkness settled over the trio. The night was as still as her body, crumpled in the grass where a stray spell had caught her. Who had cast it? Who was the murderer?

When he met Gellert's gaze, those steely blue eyes were opened wide, swirling with a mix of anger and regret. The wizard said nothing as he turn and fled into the night. There were no words that could repair what had been broken. Albus felt his heart shatter.

In one night, he had lost the man he cared for deeply, his siblings whom he loved, and the future he had dreamt of.

~oOo~

_When you left that night, I knew we would meet again. You must have known, too. If there was ever a wizard who could have stopped you, it had to be me. I knew that. Still, I hesitated. I gave you a chance to change, but I realized that was foolish of me. You were still the person you had always been; I was the one who changed._

Albus shuddered to think of Gellert alone and cold, locked in Nurmengard with nothing to keep him company but his regrets. In that regard, they weren't all that different.

_It is my fault that you were locked in your own fortress all these years. Guilt has kept me from visiting. I do not ask for forgiveness; I deserve none. It was pure selfishness that I chose not to face you, for if I did I was afraid that I would give in to the thought of the charismatic, young wizard I imagined I would spend the future with._

~oOo~

"Stop this foolishness, Gellert! This has gone on long enough."

Albus' words were swallowed by the shriek of a spell that only narrowly missed him, singeing the white hairs of his beard. That was only a warning. The next time, the Dark Wizard wouldn't be so forgiving.

"You're the one who lost your way, Albus. Everything we dreamed of, everything we planned. We could still have it. Look around you. I've been building it, all this time, while you were off playing teacher. I'm just trying to make the world better for everyone."

As he spoke, Gellert summoned magic around him, surrounding himself with an red-and-yellow halo that surged with power. The night was ablaze, with fiendfyre clinging to the darkness. With a flick of his wand, it was transfigured into a dragon that bore down on Albus. He was quick enough with his wand to cast _Aqua eructo _before being engulfed, though it did leave him a bit crispy around the edges.

The Elder Wand was truly a remarkable thing. For a moment, Albus' fortitude was shaken by a wave of jealousy that washed over him, but he steadied himself. This was not about the wand. Though the battle was intense and the emotion genuine, neither of them were out to kill. That intention, at least, was obvious.

"People are dying, Gellert."

"People always die. Sometimes sacrifices must be made for the greater good. The ends eventually justify the means."

Albus released a chain of stunning spells in rapid succession, lighting the night like a series of fireworks that erupted against Gellert's shield.

This time, Albus was determined not to give his opponent a turn. Instead, they moved together. First their wands locked, red flames and blue lightning flickering and popping, and then their eyes. They were still the cool blue he remembered them being, steadfast and self-assured, but the fire that was once in them had gone out. With some sadness, Albus had to admit that, after everything, neither of them remained unaffected.

Albus claimed his victory, imprisoning the Dark Wizard in a tower, but only because some part of Gellert must have wanted to be stopped. In a fair fight, he was outmatched. Gellert had conceded to his fate and allowed his future to be stolen by the man whose future he stole. That's what Albus told himself, at least, and, whether it was true or not, it assuaged his guilt for a while.

~oOo~

_For both everything you were and everything you could not be, after all this time, I still love you._

Albus signed his name in large, swooping letters and then set the quill down. His arm throbbed something fierce now, but it was done. He folded the letter carefully, dropping wax on it and pressing his seal to close it.

The letter had been a long time coming, but still the jumbled thoughts plagued his mind, even once the words had been released. So many memories. So many regrets. Albus shuffled across the office slowly, eyes trained on the envelope. One last proclamation of love from a dying, old man. One last chance to get it right.

He had been surprised when Severus proclaimed his love for Lily, conjuring the glimmering, silver doe that was the incorporeal embodiment of all the emotions he could never assign words to. But why? It wasn't really all that surprising, was it? Even he was no stranger to the concept of an unrequited, eternal love.

He stopped in front of the fireplace, absorbing some of the warmth the yellow tongues had to spare. It did no good. Regardless of what he did, a permanent chill had settled deep in his bones.

The fire crackled and popped hungrily, and Albus let it have the letter, slowly allowing it to slip through his fingers, as so many opportunities had years ago. Some things were better left unsaid. Forever.

Albus pulled out his wand and thought of that devilish, blond boy he learned to love, faults and all, and the one summer they spent wrapped up in their own world, sheltered from reality. A warmth flooded his body, borne in his heart and spreading outward with every breath. _Just breathe._

_Expecto Patronum_.

He gave the non-verbal command and his wand sparked to life in a flash of silver. The phoenix shimmered as if it was constructed from captured bits of moonlight, and Albus sent it out into the darkness.

From his cell at the very top of Nurmengard, Gellert would be able to see the specter phoenix haunting the night one last time. This would be its final flight. Albus was sure it would be a message he would understand. More than words. More than letters.

_I still love you. Always._

* * *

**Author's Note:** As always, I love reviews, so please leave one if you enjoy this. I was stuck on this, but I actually like how it turned out. I have a soft spot for both Dumbledore and Gellert and a fascination with their relationship. Written for the "This Means War" Competition. Prompt: "P.S. I'm Still Not Over You" by Rihanna.

**Update:** Voted first in The Fan-Favourites March One Shot Awards in Diagon Alley II!


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